Spoiler-Free Review of Luigi’s Mansion 2
Even though this 3DS game is a direct sequel, it isn’t necessary to have played the original Luigi’s Mansion on GameCube, as the storyline is completely self-contained.
If you’ve been following Satoru Iwata and co’s Nintendo Direct presentations on 3DS’ eShop, you will know that it certainly is the “Year of Luigi.” Luigi’s Mansion 2 is one of a number of games released in 2013 where Mario’s younger brother steps into the limelight. And does he deliver? Absolutely!
The first thing you’ll notice is the graphics: they are a delight. The 3D effect is beautiful, especially when turned up to maximum, and even more so when viewed on a 3DS XL. The sound effects are brilliant and just perfect, and the music is always atmospheric and catchy.
Gameplay is intuitive and simple to get to grips with, so I’m sure even novice gamers would have no problem learning the ropes. The game is mostly played using the buttons but there are times when you’ll need the stylus, too. The game also makes use of stereoscopic mode where you move the 3DS to look around you, for example. Flipping between the different control methods is seamless and never feels awkward or like a chore. The L and R shoulder buttons control your primary weapon, the Poltergust vaccuum: R to vaccuum up, L to blow items away. The face buttons allow you to run, jump, dodge enemies, and access different functions on the Poltergust, some of which you unlock as you progress through the game. Experiment using the vaccuum on different items around you, as there are lots of hidden goodies to find in each stage.
It’s Harvest Moon: The Gritty Reboot
I first discovered this amazing and funny live action parody of the Harvest Moon video game series via Tumblr. Even if you’re not familiar with Harvest Moon (the games are million times better than the somewhat dry description they’re often given), the video is still comedy gold. Okay, see you later – I’m off to play Harvest Moon: The Tale of Two Towns. My bachelors await!
Beautiful Creatures: The worst book I’ve read in a long time
Expecting something along the lines of a gothic fairytale – I blame the movie’s promotional posters for this gross misconception – I cracked open Beautiful Creatures, the young adult novel by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl. When a book is turned into a film I have often wrongly tended to assume the source material must have some merit. That is simply mistaking popularity for quality. In this case I was incredibly disappointed. It’s a shame no one over at fanfiction.net has yet written a terrible fanfic based on Beautiful Creatures, because I would rather read that and then lol at Library of the Damned‘s riff on it than read the actual novel itself. I may just have to write a parody fic of this book myself, damn it. There are so many ridiculous things in Beautiful Creatures I barely know where to begin. It is difficult to find anything wholly original anymore, yet I can forgive a great deal of cliché if the characters have enough charm, and the story is engaging. However, this entire book is so heaving with clichés, and most of the characters are so unlikeable and unconvincing I can’t even.
[Spoilers ahead!]
Well, let’s see.
There’s the cool, handsome, popular guy WHO IS DEEP i.e. BETTER than those shallow guys he hangs out with.
The quirky, beautiful, outcast, LOSER NEW GIRL.
The two of them meet, and feel an instant, INEXPLICABLE CONNECTION.
They are weak against the MIGHTY POWER OF INSTALOVE!
There is a mysterious McLocket which causes them to relive TRAGIC EVENTS from the past.
But then DARKNESS! DANGER! and DESTINY! threaten to tear them apart.
So, enter our protagonist, and first person narrator, sixteen-year old Ethan. He plays on the school basketball team. Did I mention he’s popular?
He used to date a snooty cheerleader bitch, Emily. SHE SO WANTS HIM BACK, LIKE ZOMG, SRSLY.
Except, in the movie he is portrayed by this guy
Alden Ehrenreich
…who is basically just a less handsome version of this guy
This guy: “Christian from Clueless” Justin Walker
After seeing Movie Ethan’s terrible, was-never-fashionable-in-ANY-era haircut, I’m just trying to burn that vision out of my mind so I can slog my way through the rest of this shit continue with the book.
Oh yeah, did I mention there’s a guy named LINK in it it? Oh, you crazy authors, you.
WARNING: ALL OTHER USAGE OF THIS NAME IS UNACCEPTABLE.
UNDERSTAND THIS: THERE IS ONLY ONE LINK.
Link prepares to take down two fail authors who dared to use his awesome name for some random high school loser.
Maki Horikita Joins One Direction Press Conference, Her Fans Cringe
When I first saw this photo I was like, “Wait, that looks suspiciously like Maki Horikita.” My only coherent thought: Why?! Also, WTF?! OK, that’s two thoughts.
After I finished asdfing, I found a video of One Direction’s failtastic Japanese press conference, and sure enough, Maki Horikita was announced part of the way through. No idea what she was doing there though? Since she’s hugely successful in her own right, I doubt she needs the money or the publicity. I mean, it seems to me as if Maki Horikita has been around forever, yet she’s actually still only twenty-four! It feels like a lifetime ago when I watched her portrayal of adorably awkward Nobuko in Nobuta wo Produce, and then in Kurosagi, again opposite Yamapi, and her beautifully moving performance as the tragic Kanon in Innocent Love, to name just a few.
Her presence at the press conference was utterly pointless. She should be asking for her money back right about now. Looking exquisite in a kimono, she rather unconvincingly asserted that she listens to the band’s music, or some such nonsense to that effect, before bowing and leaving. After which she went home and cried elegant, heart-shaped tears of woe into a bowl of miso. Probably.
As for the way the band behaved? Don’t get me started! I don’t know anything about these guys apart from the fact that they produce mediocre music for deranged, hyper-hormonal teenaged girls, but what I saw in the video did nothing to improve my opinion. What a horrid, obnoxious, arrogant bunch.
Well, to be fair, the big-haired kid seemed the most earnest, and genuinely pleased to be there. I couldn’t really bring myself to hate him, even if he does keep terrible company. The kid with almost no hair improved towards the end but lost major points for conducting whispered conversations with the one next to him – so incredibly rude! These guys need to learn some manners, STAT.
One band member mysteriously disappeared, and his absence wasn’t even mentioned, as far as I could tell. Conclusion: NOBODY GAVE A DAMN ABOUT THE GUY IN THE CHECKED SHIRT.
Aaaaaaand, I’ve never heard so many arigatou gozaimashitas! in such a short space of time. I know the Japanese are famous for being polite and all, but that chick must’ve broke a world record that day. The entire thing was wrapped up with a drive-by shot of the announcer, aka Arigatou Gozaimashita-san, wearing what appeared at first glance to be a white bathrobe.
You can watch the press conference in all its embarrassing glory right here.
KOKIA Lyrics Translation: “il mare dei suoni” [Italian to English]
Track 9 on “The VOICE” (2008) VICL-62758:
il mare dei suoni
[the sea of sounds]
Lyrics and Music composed by KOKIA
Translated by Sootopolis
i suoni che vibrano nell’aria tesa.
da dove da dove viene?
[the sounds that vibrate in the tense air.
where, where do they come from?]
mi abbandono alla musica,
affondando profondamente in onde dei suoni.
[I surrender to the music,
sinking deeply into the waves of sounds.]
il cuore fino di vetro toccando il suono adesso comincia a svegliarsi.
[by touching the sound, the heart of glass now begins to awaken.]
mi abbandono alla musica,
affondando profondamente in onde dei suoni.
[I surrender to the music,
sinking deeply into the waves of sounds.]
il cuore fino di vetro toccando il suono adesso comincia a svegliarsi.
[by touching the sound, the heart of glass now begins to awaken.]
il sentimento che esce dal fondo del mio cuore,
i suoni che vibrano nell’aria tesa.
da dove da dove viene?
[the feeling that comes from the bottom of my heart,
the sounds that vibrate in the tense air.
where, where do they come from?]
apriamo il cuore.
[open your heart.]
il sentimento che esce dal fondo del mio cuore,
i suoni che vibrano nell’aria tesa.
da dove da dove viene?
[the feeling that comes from the bottom of my heart,
the sounds that vibrate in the tense air.
where, where do they come from?]
mi abbandono alla musica,
affondando profondamente in onde dei suoni.
[I surrender to the music,
sinking deeply into the waves of sounds.]
il cuore fino di vetro toccando il suono adesso comincia a svegliarsi.
[by touching the sound, the heart of glass now begins to awaken.]
un suono caduto nel mondo in blù.
un dono dal cielo.
ascoltiamo bene. apriamo il cuore.
[A sound fell onto a world of blue.
a gift from heaven.
listen well. open your heart.]
il sentimento che esce dal fondo del mio cuore,
i suoni che vibrano nell’aria tesa.
da dove da dove viene?
[the feeling that comes from the bottom of my heart,
the sounds that vibrate in the tense air.
where, where do they come from?]
il cuore fino di vetro toccando il suono adesso comincia a svegliarsi.
[by touching the sound, the heart of glass now begins to awaken.]
You know you play too much Zelda when…
1 You think yelling, “Hey! Listen!” at people is a valid way to gain their attention
2 You roll across a vast, empty field on your way to town, because it seems quicker than walking
3 You mistake the rustling of a plastic carrier bag as evidence a Gold Skulltula is lurking nearby*
4 You terrorise your local grave keeper into leaving you his stretching, shrinking keepsake in his will
5 You always carry at least one empty bottle with you, in which to keep a fairy/potion/milk/fish/bug/Poe
6 You love home clearouts, because all those boxes give you the chance to re-enact your favourite block-moving puzzles
7 You collect rare mushrooms to give to the hag living in your street, in the hope that she’ll reward you with a blue potion
8 You get a husky dog, simply so that you can name him Link. Also applies to Nintendogs**
9 You then get a golden Labrador to keep Link company, simply so that you can name her Zelda. Also applies to Nintendogs**
10 Whenever you receive a package in the mail, you re-enact the treasure chest-opening scene, complete with sound effect, then proudly hold up the item, going “da-da-da-da!”***
11 You place a scarecrow in a high and difficult to reach place, so you can grab on to it when needed. You name the scarecrow Pierre
12 You wear a green outfit for a walk in the woods, a blue outfit for a trip to the beach and a red outfit for a day out at the er…volcano
13 You run a race against your bewildered postman every morning, but he always says he beat you by one second
14 You train to become a master archer, just so you can reward yourself with a quiver that holds fifty arrows
15 You don’t think there’s anything wrong in entering random houses and breaking jars, and running off with whatever coins you find in them
*I actually did this a few days ago
**I also really did this
***You know you do this too
Reviewing Gemma Doyle Book 1: A Great and Terrible Beauty [Part 1]
After the mind-numbing awfulness that was The Hunger Games trilogy, I’ve read a number of books, including all of Amanda Hocking‘s self-published Trylle trilogy (mostly mediocre, but that’s for another day) and am in the middle of “The Wilful Eye” – a short story collection edited by Isobelle Carmody. I really ought to be reading “Incarceron” by Catherine Fisher, since I bought the paperback years ago and I love everything that Fisher writes (her website is here), but instead I randomly plunged into my To Read list and started on book 1 of the Gemma Doyle trilogy, “A Great and Terrible Beauty” (Kindle edition). I wanted to relax and just enjoy this book, but the book itself wouldn’t let me. From the first page, my critical eye just wouldn’t quit. So what’s a frustrated reader to do? Why, review it, of course!
The lovely cover was what first attracted me to the book. I didn’t even read the publisher’s synopsis. Now, I’ve never read any book by Libba Bray but I’ve heard good things about her. Her novels are highly regarded and she seems to be a respected author. Beyond that general impression, I know nothing. All I wanted was to read something YA that didn’t reach the Stephenie Meyer and Suzanne Collins level of fail. That shouldn’t be so difficult, right? Naturally, there will be spoilers ahead, so if this is a book you want to read but haven’t yet done so, please return when you have.
Okay. Ready?
So, join me on my chapter by chapter journey through the dusty backstreets of India, and the er…also rather dusty backstreets of London, YA style…
Chapter 3 of The Starvation Games is here
First of all, I want to say a big, big thank you to everyone who has read and commented on my fic. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement; they mean a lot to me 
Grateful thanks also to my dear friends Michael and Mr Chambers for reading Chapter Three last week and giving me their feedback on it, even though neither has read Twilight and The Hunger Games *hands out triple choc cookies to everyone* And thanks very much for your lovely comment on this post, Mr Chambers, I’m so happy you enjoyed this new installment!
Chapter One was completed in a rush and Chapter Two is so brief it seems more like an intermission to me. I pretty much just wrote whatever came into my head and put it online, which is why the first part of Chapter One is full of inconsistencies. After posting, I was tempted to cut out the contradictory parts but then again, the novels I’m parodying are riddled with them, so I guess my editing glasses are staying off for the time being. I may change my mind later. Anyway, I’ll do my best to add plenty more plot holes and inconsistencies in upcoming chapters, lol. To be honest, the first section of Chapter One still looks a bit of a mess to me, although I’m satisfied with the last part, when Gaylob appears 
He’s great fun to write, so expect to see more of him XD.
I intended to complete the fourth chapter before posting Three but I’ll just go ahead and admit I haven’t even started writing Four. Instead of writing last weekend, I slept in, ate a lot of snacks and finally got round to watching my Blu-ray DVD of Advent Children Complete. Loved it, by the way. All I have of Chapter Four so far is a vague idea in my head of the direction I want the story to head in. Well, I hope posting today may serve as motivation to get a move on.
Okay, that’s enough of my rambling. Here’s the rather long chapter, all 2315 words of it…
The Starvation Games
Chapter Three
Fresh-baked! The King of Bread
I’d had the most exhausting morning. Ever. From the minute I stepped into homeroom I was besieged by every single boy in there, demanding to know my name, rank and serial number. I mean my three measurements. I felt them ogling me and it was like, totally disgusting.
I totally wouldn’t have minded if there’d been even one hottie among them, but every boy in there ranged from Meh to Bleh to simply Ugh. So far, there was no one who could even begin to compete with my special Gaylob. I felt a fluttering in my heart and began to wonder if this was the stirring of a new love.
I totally didn’t want to encourage those grotties, so I went into my Emotionless Girl Mode, which if you remember my explanation from earlier, is when I appear all bored and aloof by making my eyes go all cold and steely looking. Unfortunately, the Ice Princess persona only made them want me even more. Sigh.
I couldn’t account for it, since I’d taken great pains to dress as plainly as possible. I wasn’t even wearing any makeup. There were plenty more glamorous girls than me in the room. No way was my natural beauty shining through, since I don’t possess any. I’m totally plain and average looking. I’m so not pretty at all.
Of all the losers, however, Puppy Boy was the most resilient. Even viciously knocking him against a metal locker, so hard that he bounced off it and fell facedown into a nearby trash can, had no effect. Of course, I neatly disguised it as an accidental little push, but still. I was beginning to think he might have a secret stash of 1-Ups hidden about his person.
Just like a loyal, abused puppy, he followed at my heels all the way up until lunch. I managed to fix it so that I was seated far away from him, but the whole time I had to put up with him shooting me insipid little looks of yearning that made me want to gag.
The only positive thing about my association with him was that I didn’t have to bother to try to make friends. Like a queen holding court, people approached me. They must just be interested in me because I’m a new face around here, I reasoned. And best of all, no girls tried to stab me.
But there was something in the cafeteria that had grabbed my attention, so much that I was held in a trance of epic proportions. Like a giant, sparkly Rottweiler at my neck, it sank its fangs into me, shook me like a ragdoll and refused to let go. Read more »
Fashion Fails, Fashion Wins
A news article made me laugh with the absurdity of it all the other day. Those creatures spawned from the depths of hell, the Trollsen Twins, i.e. Hairy-Kate and Trashley, have been named Vogue’s best dressed of this year. ROFL.
Here are some pics of the trampy twins, looking like shit:
I really hope that guy on the stairs is poised and ready to run up from behind and send them both flying.
Read more »
The Starvation Games, Chapter 2
Okay, so here’s the second chapter! It was originally a lot longer, so I decided to split the chapter into two, more manageable chunks. On the plus, it means Chapter 3 is already completed
The Starvation Games
Chapter Two
It’s Not My Fault That I’m Not Popular!
It was my first day of school at Spoons High. I really wished that Gaylob could’ve attended with me too, since it would have been so incredibly awesome to show up with such a Studly Guy on my arm, but unfortunately he already went to school in La Pull.
As I was driving, I was feeling so pleased with myself that I’d remembered to dress down. I didn’t want a repeat of all my other first days in other towns, when mean, nasty girls tried to mutilate me because they thought their boyfriends were checking me out.
For one terrible moment, those mental scars almost overwhelmed me. But then I closed my eyes and took deep, calming breaths. Then I shook my head to clear my mind. Then I opened my eyes, and from the blaring of car horns, I realized I’d accidentally veered off course and was driving in the wrong direction down the highway. I gave my head another cute little shake and watched my long, glossy, raven hair settle around me like soft, downy fur. But only for a moment. Right now I needed to focus all my energy on getting back into the right lane of traffic. Read more »
