Chapter One of My Twilight x Hunger Games Fanfic!

So here’s the first chapter of my crossover parody, “The Starvation Games.” In keeping with the source material, my protagonist is a Mary Sue by default XD.

If Twilight or The Hunger Games don’t mean much to you, you can check out the Glossary at the top of the page.

The Starvation Games

Prologue

My name is Ella Stork. I am seventeen years old. My home is in the district of Spoons. I was in the Starvation Games. Other girls hate me. I tell myself this over and over again, whenever I feel I am in danger of gaining anything resembling common sense. So like, this is totally my story.

Chapter One
A Maiden’s Heartthrobbing Beginning!

Ella is short for Cinderella, which is only mildly embarrassing. I mean, it’s better than being named after an aquatic tuber, right? And I get to feel good about myself, being named after a Disney princess and all.

I don’t really need to do much to live up to my name, either, since besides cooking and cleaning, I don’t have anything that could legitimately be called a hobby or an interest in anything. Well, besides boys, of course. But, I have to remind myself, I am a teenaged girl, so it’s not unusual that my life revolves around nothing but the opposite sex.

I just don’t understand why, but everyone around me is in awe of me. Many times, I’ve heard myself referred to as a kickass rebel chick, but I don’t like to let things like that get to my head, so I continue to act like I have no idea what they’re talking about. Well, I really don’t get what they’re on about. I’m totally average.

Well, anyway, I came to the small, lame district of Spoons after I got kicked out of yet another school. I’ve had to move around a lot because of it. I’m always getting into trouble with Teh Ruling Eevil Capitol, since girls pick on me all the time. They get really jealous of the attention I receive from boys. I just can’t understand all the attention, since I’m awfully plain and average looking.

I mean, look at me. My face is delicate and heart shaped. I’m olive skinned. I’ve got long black hair which is glossy as a raven’s wing, and I normally wear it loose so that it can blow about in the wind in a really dramatic fashion. I’ve also got amazing gray eyes which get really cold and steely-looking when I’m bored and aloof, kind of like an ice princess, only a Disney one. I call this my Emotionless Girl Mode.

When I’m angry, however, my eyes smolder and go all smoky gray. That way, people can tell when I’m feeling all fiery and passionate. It’s perfect that I can communicate these things in a non-verbal way. I like the fact that I have so many contrasting facets to my character. Well, okay, only two, but you know what I mean. But I like to think these features make me a well-rounded character.

My mom is totally useless, like all females who aren’t me generally are. She totally fell apart after my dad left her. It’s like she’s only half a person now. So anyway, I got sick of her and her uselessness so I left her to move in with my totally awesome and much-better-because-he-is-male dad.

I now live in Spoons with my grumpy dad Chuck, who is the Head Peacekeeper here. Oh, by the way, I’m just going to refer to that as HP from now on, since Head Peacekeeper involves too many syllables.

My grouchy dad Chuck is more like a friend than a father, so I don’t have to bother with unnecessary things like pretending to respect him, so I just call him Chuck to his face. Of course he doesn’t mind, I can do anything I want because I’m Daddy’s Little Princess. I mean Daddy’s Little Disney Princess. I mean Chuck’s Little… Ouch, my head hurts.

Although Chuck’s the HP, he has a Disabled Rebel Outlaw Ethnic Minority Friend, whose name is Bobby. Bobby’s in a wheelchair. They do all kinds of neat stuff together that I would normally find totally unrealistic, because they are total opposites, but they totally are convincing as best buddies, so I totally buy it.

Right after I arrived in Spoons, I jumped out of Chuck’s car and ran into the house. I took all my stuff to the tiny bathroom and just generally went, “Ew, Chuck, you actually live like this?”

I know it might seem illogical, but for some reason, instead of leaving my toiletries in the bathroom, I keep them in my bedroom and drag them to the bathroom every time I take a shower and stuff. It’s one of my quirks. I’m told everybody has them.

***

Not long after I got settled in, Disabled Bobby arrived with his buff, olive-skinned son. Chuck and DB soon left us alone to go watch TV.

“Hi, Ella,” the buff son said, striding up to me in the front yard. “Betcha don’t remember me, huh?”

Instead of speaking, I closed my eyes and wrinkled my nose in a way I knew he’d find endearing. Then I tripped over, even though there was no obstruction on the ground. I’m just really clumsy that way but guys love it because it’s super cute. They fall over themselves to catch me and don’t at all look at me like I’m a moron for tripping over for absolutely no reason at all.

Luckily, I fell straight into the buff dude’s arms. Even luckier for me, the buff dude was shirtless and totally ripped. I leaned into his awesome six-pack and inhaled his scent, which for some weird reason smelled kind of like this old wolf pelt that my great-great-grandma keeps in her attic.

I looked up at him and batted my smoldering gray eyes at him. I have no idea why, because I’m not attractive at all, but he almost spontaneously combusted right then.

“You really don’t remember me, huh?” he whispered huskily. I felt the deep rumble of his words vibrate in his awesomely ripped chest.

I tipped my head to the side, letting my long, glossy raven hair fly out and smack him in the face, and acted like I was thinking deeply about it.

He instantly got super protective of me when he realized I didn’t know the answer to his question. The one about not remembering who he was, I mean.

“Catpee, it’s me, Gaylob,” he said, when I continued to look puzzled.

“Lulwat, you’re gay? WTF? I never knew. That’s a total waste of prime beef, you know,” I said.

“No, it’s me, Gaylob, remember? Your Studly Childhood Friend. We used to go hunting together.”

“Oh, yeah, Gaylob Blackthistle. I totally remember now,” I said. It was such a facepalm moment. How could I have forgotten? It was all coming back to me now.

“We met in the woods one day back when I still lived with my mom and was visiting Chuck here in Spoons. You were three years younger than me and already six feet tall. You misheard me and thought I said my name was Catpee when I said Cinderella. We have the same gray eyes and black hair, and could pass for siblings. Or maybe cousins, because that’s way less squicky.”

“Yeah, that’s it, you do remember!” he exclaimed. “So, wanna go make out in the woods?”

I got tempted for a second but then I realized he must be kidding, since I’m not attractive at all.

“Oh, sorry Catpee, you’re still all innocent. I shouldn’t corrupt a sweet princess like you. I know, let’s go to La Pull at the weekend.”

“What’s La Pull?” I enquired, hypnotized by his musky, wolfy scent.

“It’s where I live with the rest of the Quilty Tribe. Come on, you’ll love it.”

“Okay,” I said, readily agreeing. I knew right away I could trust him. It didn’t matter that I barely knew him anymore. After all, we were Childhood Friends. Also, he just had this really trustworthy look in his gray eyes that were so like mine, since we looked like we could be siblings. Ew. I mean cousins.  Like, super distant ones, okay? The fact that he also happened to be totally ripped and shirtless right now was irrelevant. I just trusted him.

We hung out all afternoon and Gaylob showed me all sorts of neat stuff, like his motorbike and what edible roots and berries look like. I got kind of bored then, because it meant he wasn’t focusing completely on me, but then he pulled out this awesome bow and a quiver of arrows from a hole in a tree trunk! And then he posed with them for a while and it looked totally cooler because he was shirtless the whole time. I pretended to be admiring the bow while secretly admiring his six-pack. Then Chuck called me in to cook him dinner, so I did.

I was sad to see Gaylob leave, but then I remembered that I was going to see him again on Saturday. I squeed in my room for an hour, fantasizing about what outfit I would wear.

After that I cooked a dinner of lamb stew with plums in our tiny, lame kitchen. I burned the water but Chuck said he didn’t mind, and that my adorable clumsiness is my most endearing trait.

Chapter One End

Read Chapter 2

16 Comments

  1. Ah, there’s nothing quite like a good parody fic.

    • Yay! My first response hehe. Thanks so much for taking the time to read <3

      • Haha no problem. It was a great parody, and I hope there’s more chapters soon. :)

        • Thank you! I’ve never posted my stuff online before and really didn’t know what kind of response I’d get. I mean, just ’cause I find it funny doesn’t mean anyone else will. Chapter 2 is pretty much done, I’m just fine-tuning it. I’d be really happy if you’d return to read it :)

  2. Hi! I know Kate. She pointed you out.

    I represent a small gathering of people who have taken it upon ourselves to highlight the worst and the worst when it comes to fanfiction. We’re an MST3K sort of group.

    On Sundays, however, we like to highlight something that’s actually good. Parodies are a favorite – we enjoy seeing other people making fun of horrible literature, too – and I’d like to ask if I can use yours for one of our Sunday updates. Usually, we just put a small blurb about the fic, a quote or two, and then a link to the original posting site. Considering you put a note at the top request non-reposting, I figured I’d ask if quoting a few lines would be okay since we always link back to the source. Credit must be given where credit is due!

    Anyway, please let me know! This Sunday is a special Halloween riff so I wouldn’t be using your parody until next Sunday if you agree.

    Thanks!
    Lyle
    Head Librarian
    Library of the Damned

    • Hey, thanks for visiting and yes, definitely! Honestly, I feel really flattered that you want to use it. I didn’t know for sure if many people would even find it funny. Chapter 2 should be up by next Friday/Saturday, too. Btw your site sounds cool and I’ll be sure to check it out :)

      *EDIT I forgot to say, you guys are welcome to quote whatever/however much of my fic as you like on your site, even if your commentary on it is unflattering, it’s still cool :)

      • Stop on by any time. We update with horrible fic riffs M, W, Th, F, Sat (as there are only five of us). Sundays are for good fics (if we have any to highlight) and Tuesdays are for fanart because we had nothing else to stick there :)

      • Hi! Just wanted to let you know that your fic was highlighted as our Sunday Special today!

        • Yay! Your write up on it was awesome, thanks so much :)

  3. Michael

    Totally awesome

    • Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to read it, thanks for all your encouragement and feedback :)

  4. I love your parody.

    I hope The Muses continue to inspire you. :)

    • Hi and welcome to my blog! Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, I’m so glad you enjoyed the chapter :)

  5. Hahaha this is amazing and hilarious and amazing! I laughed so much at the Gaylob part (somehow that just brought to mind an image of a really buff lobster). I love it!

    • Your comment made my day, thank you! And it made me see Gaylob in a whole new light, too XD

      I really love your avatar btw :-)

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